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Let’s be realistic here, the economy is in the crapper and your 401k looks about
as arousing as you do after a cold shower. What’s a Burgundy drinking, ’stache
rocking, web surfing Internet denizen like you to do? Diversify your skill set
by ogling watches you’ll never be able to afford and learning what makes them
tick.
Most of these watches are more complicated than college calculus and have more
history than you could learn in a lifetime. You might even need an engineering
degree and an instructional tome to figure out how they work. Regardless, all
these watches (for one reason or another) are ridiculously cool and absurdly
expensive. Sell the Ferrari, liquidate the stocks, and pick up one of these
bad-ass timekeeping devices.
The Patek Caliber 89 - $5,120,000
Buying this watch would require selling 3.5 Bugatti Veyrons, which happens to be
70% of the total number they sold in 2005. The closest most of us will ever get
to a Veyron is drooling over it on Top Gear. It’s all about perspective here
people. Three Veyrons. Say it out loud – Three. Veyrons. So what makes this
watch worth $5.12mil? For starters, it is the most complicated watch on the
planet with 33 complications. Essentially, it requires a degree in mechanical
engineering to understand, but suffice it to say it has everything but the
kitchen sink. It also took more time to design than you spent in college
(including those extra years “studying” chemistry).
Split Seconds Patek Philippe Reference 1436 By Tiffany & Co. – $214,000
It’s emblazoned with the Tiffany & Co. name, so you know it’s gonna be
expensive. Compared to the rest of the watches on this list though, it’s
actually pretty cheap. Well, you know, if two-hundred grand can ever be
considered cheap. You’re getting the Patek and the Tiffany names, what else
could you want? The ability to time two events that start simultaneously but end
at different times – you didn’t think those fancy blue hands were just for show
did you?
Patek Philippe Ref 5016P – $762,000
Rounding out the Patek trinity is the Ref 5016P (The P stands for platinum,
duh). This watch is the second most complicated wristwatch (the first one was a
pocket watch so it doesn’t count) that Patek has produced. The problem with
watches of this caliber the need for adjustments, but Patek has an app for that.
If you keep this moon-phase, perpetual calendar, retrograde behemoth running
continuously it won’t need adjusting until 2100. That’s something your
children’s children’s children will most certainly appreciate.
The Breguet Marie Antoinette – $XX,000,000
This watch was originally designed by Breguet himself and has more pieces (823)
than an iPhone. It’s self winding, has a minute repeater, perpetual calendar,
equation of time, jumping hour, power reserve indicator, and a bimetallic
thermometer – everything but MMS messaging. It took forty-four years for the
original to be constructed and Breguet and Marie Antoinette both died before it
was completed. Ultimately, the original watch disappeared, never to be seen
again. When Swatch acquired Breguet, an Indiana Jones style quest for the watch
began. When they came up short they reproduced the watch using only the images
of the original. Breguet has received offers in the eight digit range, but still
refuse to sell.
Jaeger-LeCoultre Gyrotourbillon 1 – $400,000
This watch is clearly complicated, but it has a feature some of the others
don’t, a tourbillon. What’s a tourbillon? A wrist-mounted anti-gravity device.
Tourbillons (in the most basic terms) prevent gravity from adversely affecting
accuracy. Normal tourbillons only rock one-axis anti-gravity, this tourbillon
rocks two. No word yet on when the third and fourth axis will be integrated.
Rolex Submariner – $234,000
At some point in time, everyone has held, worn, or owned a Rolex Submariner.
This one is special because it was held, worn, and owned by the one and only
Steve McQueen. That’s right, the “King of Cool” owned this particular
submersible, self-winding, stainless steel oyster bracelet Rolex. You’re getting
time, Rolex, and bona fide badassery.
Vacheron Tour de l’Ile – $1,250,000
Vacheron is the oldest watch manufacturer still in existence since its inception
in 1755. 250+ years of history allows them to make watches that eclipse most
others. The Tour de l’Ile has tourbillon, two faces, and more complications and
parts than even the Breguet Marie Antoinette (hopefully without the beheading)
making it the most complicated serial wrist watch ever made. It’s worth JUST shy
of a Veyron… unless you buy used.
AP Royal Oak Grande Complication – $560,000
Audemars Piquet (that’s where the AP comes from obviously) does it again with
the Royal Oak Grande Complication. The Grande Complication is another watch that
has a perpetual calendar accurate until long after you will no longer be alive.
It has a lot of the same complications as the other watches (minute repeater,
split seconds chronograph, aforementioned perpetual calendar) but presents them
in a way that doesn’t require a thousand page instruction manual just to read.
Real men don’t use instruction manuals.
Richard Mille Tourbillon – $525,000
Look at it. It looks like a Rube Goldberg machine had sex with the Gugenheim and
the offspring was skeletonized. Quite a few of these watches have modern
elements, but none of them have the modern design that this watch does. Made of
aluminum, titanium, and awesome it would be the perfect compliment for the new
clear hood you just put on the Ferrari.
Ulysse Nardin Triplejack Minute Repeater – $340,000
It may be crazy, but this watch seems like holds some deep, dark, historical
secret that only Nicolas Cage can uncover. But that may just be the three Jacks
“hammering the bells to separate the quarters from the minutes.” Sure, it’s more
expensive than a Ferrari, but something about this watch just seems a lot less
complicated. Since when did you just want to tell time with your watch?
This is the point in the movie after the credits roll where you get that wicked
cameo that’s sole purpose is to say thanks to an underappreciated celebrity. In
this case, the star is none other than Ben Clymer of
In case you haven’t heard of Hodinkee (for shame!), it’s a daily collection of
the most interesting and rare watches around the world. Think Cool Material
specifically geared towards vintage and interesting time pieces.
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